Become increasingly willing to experience your own power. That is the true healing.
-Shakti Gawain, Living in the Light
For most of this day I’ve been convinced eating something sweet would save me.
In the most recent bout of sugar withdrawl, I’d just eaten a rich dinner of coconut scallops wrapped in bacon, garlic mashed potatoes, and brussel sprouts from the farmer’s market. I stormed the kitchen cabinets in the Montclair home with a view where I am a houseguest and discover chocolate cake mix. But having learned the hard way not to take what isn’t offered, even my ravenous inner sugar beast wasn’t willing to take the plunge. And besides, the beast told me, I would die before it was ready to devour.
But then as I closed the wooden pantry door, the Joni Mitchell music took me back from the edge. I found myself dancing amidst the granite countertops. Twirling, humming, exploring the relationship between wrist and fingers, tracing my skin like a map back into myself.
With fuchsia leg warmers over tight black jeans my fashionista sister no longer needed, weepy, hopeful melodies emerged. Reaching toward the sky with exaltation, my arms became branches of prayer and meditation.
I heard the toaster pop with the sweet millet bread I’d been planning to smother with vegan butter and apricot jam, but the flow of movement held my attention. All of sudden I awoke: the sweetness I’d been craving all day had been there waiting to be set free in moving my body from within.
I laid down on my back in the middle of the kitchen, melding with the hardwood floor and hearing the odd refrigerator rumbling sounds. Music within music. Movement within movement. My body opening into its own vastness, embracing its own majesty, celebrating Life.
And so now I wonder.
If I dance when a sugar craving arises, what shall become of me? What is it about the authentic sweetness and power I contact through moving from within that captures my attention less than the artificial kind? What supports my willingness to experience my own power ? Why not get the healing?
I feel excitement, humility, and awe in encountering my complexity, my vastness on this Saturday night, holding these precious questions with a tender delight. When I have the presence of mind to remember my vastness, even a substance as powerful as sugar (I once heard a lecturer say sugar differs from cocaine by just one link in its molecular chain) seems pipsqueak. Remembering the wide open field that is my inner being, I am connected to power from within.
So dear ones, in this the first month of 2008 do what you need to do to reconnect with the Divine Source within you. Rediscover the vastness of your existence. Redefine yourself according to your true wealth, your true power. “Become increasingly willing to experience your own power. That is the true healing.”
Happy New Year!
*Meditation*: Write then Move! (Or Move then write)
Begin a timed writing of any length with the phrase “I feel powerful when.” Then put on any kind of music (or hold space for silence) and begin to move in your own way in a room by yourself. If it’s challenging to allow yourself to let go, take a moment to celebrate yourself for stepping out of comfort and into your bigness. Then try small micro movements, such as circling the wrists or swaying the head. Let these movements progress as slow or as fast as you like, until you’ve found your own inner rhythm. See if it’s possible to let the breath flow freely as you move.
Copyright 2008. Beandrea Davis. Re-printing without permission prohibited.