Myth 3 :: It’s safe to assume that if I do something “for” someone, then eventually s/he will do something for me “in return.”
I have learned – mostly through disappointment and resentment – that I don’t like basing my relationships on unexpressed quid pro quo, which translates as ‘this for that’ in Latin. How many times have I thought, “If I do xyz for someone, someone will do xyz for me,” but failed to speak aloud the assumption.”
When we agree to helping someone meet their human needs because that meets needs of our own – it is important to do it because, in that moment, we actually want to do it.
It is dangerous when we take actions based on the unexpressed hope of gaining something from someone in the future or paying someone back for something done “for” us in the past.
I seek to live an obligation-free life; one where I tell myself the truth about what I want and seek to do the things out of authentic desire. It means being creative in reframing the seemingly undesirable.
It means being in touch with what I need, what others need, and being open to a variety of approaches to seeing those needs met. It means having some spaciousness inside with myself, with others. It means being willing to stretch beyond what feels comfortable as a routine practice.
When we are present in the moment and more able to trust that our needs will be provided for at exactly the right time, we can respond authentically to the things that are asked of us by ourselves and by others. We can be complete right then and free of the residue that accumulates creating blockages in the heart.
We can turn to a more stable basis for relationship: a slate wiped clean, an open heart.